Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Hey guys! Long time no blog.

I've decided that I'd like to drag myself back into blogging. I miss it, or at least what it was a few years ago. I still interact with blog friends on other platforms, and I find that microblogging fits where I am mentally nowadays, but long-form blogging still has my heart.

So here's what's going on lately.

I hate to jinx it, but daycare for Amelia has been going a lot better lately. She still cries at every drop off, but it's much shorter lived and sometimes she doesn't even look back at me. It's been a rough slog, honestly. I've had a few people tell me that it's "good I stuck with it" even though it was hard, which made me second guess myself even more than I already was. Like, wait, should I not have stuck with it? Am I a bad mom? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

Despite the doubt, I'm happy we did stick with it. I can't keep her home with me forever, and since we aren't planning on homeschooling, I figure it's better for her to get used to it now than throwing her to the wolves unprepared at age 5. Parenthood, man.

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There isn't much going on with me outside of my role as Executive Baby Manager. Some exciting things are happening career-wise. I've been rewatching the original Twilight Zone, and Rob and I started to watch The Great British Bake-Off thanks to Suzy's recommendation. It's very British and makes both of us want cake (only one of us can actually eat cake, however).

We took Amelia ice skating for the first time last week. We apparently failed to learn our lesson from the last 16 months and took her despite the fact that she woke up from a nap in a pissy mood. She was not pleased. She's also going through this thing right now where she hates to have articles of clothing taken off, and we didn't plan around that. So the first attempt at taking her sneakers off and putting skates on was...unsuccessful. She refused to leave my arms and we started to feel discouraged. We pushed on, though, and got her slowly used to walking on the ice in just her sneakers. By the end she loved it and I felt really proud - proud of her for overcoming her anxiety and trying a new thing despite her fear, and proud of us for not giving into the "easy" thing and just up and leaving. I don't know if it will stay with her, but right now she's showing a lot of signs of anxiety, particularly with new people and new situations, so I'm trying to figure out how best to approach it especially with her still being (mostly) nonverbal.

Today is Veterans Day, which we usually celebrate with a few drinks and general fun things. Rob had the day off, and it's daycare day, so we went out to eat and hung around at home. It was nice since the next few weeks will be busy: we are taking Amelia to her first women's hockey game, my dad and stepmom are coming to visit, and of course Thanksgiving shenanigans. We're also trying to get as much enjoyment out of fall before winter comes.

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So that's life now...just same old same.

Friday, 23 October 2015

More Fall Goodness

Because you haven't heard enough about how great fall is, right?

I promise that at the very least there are no pumpkin spice lattes in this post. I've never even had a pumpkin spice latte.

A couple of weekends ago we took Amelia to the local pumpkin patch (the same one we took her to last year! TRADITIONS!). Turns out the prediction I made last year was true--it was a much more fun this trip than last year. She loved running around and stumbling and grabbing tiny pumpkins and clinging to my legs whenever a stranger looked at her for longer than a few seconds.

There are a lot of tough things to this age--moods, tantrums, and lack of verbal communication in particular--but I am by and large loving it.

We managed to pick what ended up being the last weekend for peak foliage which meant the pictures came out beautifully (in addition to the obvious cuteness granted to them by my spawn). As this weekend approaches many of the leaves have fallen, and those that remain are brown or rust-colored. Looks like winter's coming no matter how many times I dance around a fire or sacrifice a goat during a full moon.

Here are our pumpkin patch photos:

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I was also able to find a bit more time after our date day to take some more foliage photos. Not much of an intro to these, I just think they're pretty.

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So there you go, the last remnants of fall before the hammer of November falls. 

Happy weekend, friends.

Saturday, 17 October 2015

The Different Stages of Baby Fever

It's starting.

That feeling you get when your child is more self-sufficient, when parenting starts to make sense, when there are more smiles than tantrums. It creeps in on the edges of your brain and slowly becomes something you find yourself thinking about more and more.

I could do this again.

I should do this again.

Amelia is 15 months old now, which means two things: (1) life is starting to feel a lot more normal and (2) so many of my friends with kids her age are pregnant. Add into that all my other friends who are pregnant...and suffice it to say, that which seemed absolutely unthinkable 6 months ago becomes a lot more doable.

Before Amelia was even a glimmer in my eye I came to the conclusion that there are two stages of baby fever:

Baby Fever Stage I: "I want to be pregnant and my friend is pregnant and I want a baby shower and cute newborn Facebook posts and an adorable Pinterest-worthy baby announcement." 

Baby Fever Stage II: "I am ready to add another human being into our lives, (if applicable) give my existing child a sibling, see me and my significant other open our hearts for even more love, potentially deal with colic and around-the-clock feeding again. Oh and yeah, probably a cute Pinterest worthy baby announcement."

I know enough about myself to know that right now I am solidly in stage I. I know that it's the excitement of my friends and family members having babies that leads me to wanting another. When I think about it logically--I like where we are now. Our house isn't really big enough for a second child, Amelia's infancy was tougher on me than I could've imagined, my career is moving forward and I'd like to see where it goes for now, and I like being able to focus on Amelia right now. 

All the logic in the world can't defeat Baby Fever Stage I. It's a strong one and with every new pregnancy announcement on social media it gets stronger. The only treatment is looking at old photos and videos of Amelia screaming her face off and even that isn't working so well these days.

We're not at stage II yet. We might never be. 

And of course all of this goes to shit if we have a happy "accident."

Either way there'll definitely be a cute announcement, let's be honest.

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Foliage and Date Days

Since Amelia started daycare in June, Rob and I have tried to take a day here and there in which we both take off work and just spend time together. I frequently feel like I'm too often being more of a mom than a wife. Ideally I'd be a perfect balance of both like, say, Linda Belcher.


Since Rob had to have his yearly physical this week anyway we decided to go for it. We didn't make a lot of plans other than lunch at this cool brewery and relaxing without having to chase a toddler around the house. We talked about it for weeks ahead of time because it just sounded so exciting to do nothing and be responsible for no one but ourselves. 

When the day came I decided that we should drive to some cool spots and take some foliage pictures, which I've been meaning to do but isn't something an active toddler who (still) hates her carseat finds particularly interesting. The leaves are almost at peak here so it was perfect timing. Hopefully one day Amelia will want to do these things with me.

Anyway Rob and I had a really nice day together. To be honest I always assumed that we wouldn't fall victim to the stereotypes around being married with a kid, and while I think we have by and large avoided them, it's still a struggle to balance the two sometimes. We've quickly realized the importance of carving out real time for each other especially when we're both exhausted and sleep-deprived and "touched out." Take note, future parents of America: never feel guilty for focusing on yourself and your partner. Parents are people, too.

While we were both happy for the alone time we also eagerly anticipated 3:45 when we could leave to pick Amelia up from daycare. Then we had smoothies and snuggles and Sesame Street until bedtime. Not too shabs.

Anyway, here are a few photos from our day:

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Good work, Vermont. 

Now we buckle down for the (much uglier) winter.

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Things That Aren't Going to Happen

I won't get fired from my job in the next week.

My friends won't all finally realize what a horrible person I am and stop talking to me forever.

My daughter won't die or get sick.

Rob won't die or get sick.

Amelia won't live in my house until she's 40 because I'm a bad parent and because she inherited my anxiety and OCD.

My daughter won't be doomed to a life of mediocrity because she goes to daycare 3 days a week.

Amelia will not develop a technological addiction because I'm on my phone around her.


(I hope you're all having a good week, friends.)

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

A Brain Dump of Sorts

Well as usual summer zipped by and now we are well entrenched into fall. I like fall--the cooler temperatures, the foliage here in New England, the traditions--but I don't like feeling cold all the time and not being able to take Amelia outside half-clothed and barefoot (as we did all summer). Now when she grabs her little galoshes and hands them to me I have to instruct her on all the other steps we have to go through to get her ready for the outside (namely, a sweater, her fleece, socks, then tiny baby galoshes).

Amelia loves being outside. She has pretty much ever since she could show that she liked something. When we skated on the canal in Ottawa last January she was happier than we usually saw her when she was that age, and it was close to 5 degrees Fahrenheit. This past April we were actually able to start taking her out for longer stretches and in less clothing, and this summer she spent a lot of her waking hours doused in sunscreen and zooming around to her various outdoor toys, piles of dog shit, Cypress, and bees.

So far in the fall months her favorite activity is to walk to the end of the driveway and careen wildly straight for the road. She and Cypress share this favorite activity and it is...distressing, to say the least.


Why is it that fall or winter traditions seem so much more meaningful? Is that just me? I mean my family is big into the Fourth of July, and Amelia's birthday is just after, but Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas traditions just have something...special about them. Now that Amelia is a bit older I'm hoping they'll be a bit more interesting with her than they were last year.


Every so often someone asks how Cypress is doing. I guess people noticed the sharp decline in Cypress photos in my Instagram and Facebook posts starting right around July of last year. Rest assured she's still here and we still love her. I will admit that she's not getting as much attention as she used to. But as most of you know we never called Cypress our "baby." She's always been our dog and our best friend.  That doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about focusing more attention on the baby, but she's currently sleeping on the couch with her head on a pillow so I think she's probably doing okay. 


Amelia isn't talking. Like, at all. We hear noises and babbles and she says "mama" sometimes, but otherwise no words. It's really easy to tell other parents not to worry about milestones, but when it's your kid it's just different. Everything I've read and everyone I've talked to said not to worry, that she'll talk on her own time, that she's meeting every other milestone...but I would really like it if she just came out with a word or two. 


The other day I went on an irresponsible shopping spree for myself. I haven't dressed like an adult since Amelia was born, thanks to nursing bras and tank tops, and generally directing my focus toward someone other than myself. Now that she spends more time away from me at daycare I decided it was time to be a human being. It caused me a lot of stress spending so much money but I think it was worth it. Or maybe not. I don't know. 


I don't have any photos for this post. I cleaned out my phone yesterday (something I've had to start doing literally every 3 weeks or so because of all of my Amelia photos) and I don't feel like downloading shitty versions on Facebook to upload here. So you get random little line breaks instead. 


Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Life Lately


No more excuses for not writing really, except the same complaints I wrote about last time. I'm really struggling with the idea that nothing I write here matters, though I try to remember that not everything has to matter and some things can just exist. Does that make sense? Also, if I start writing and Rob looks over and says something like, "oh are you writing?" I completely lose all desire to do it. That does not make sense.

Things here have been good. Busy busy, and good. Amelia is at daycare three days a week, which has gotten somewhat easier for her and somehow harder for me. Mother's guilt sucks.

I guess the most exciting thing is that this past weekend I went to Boston! Amelia stayed home with Rob and I had some drinks, went out to eat with my mom and sister, and saw the Book of Mormon. Oh! And I met Suzy!

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WHAAAAT? Yeah man, this worked out totally perfectly. She just happened to be visiting the US and specifically Boston, and I just happened to be visiting Boston for the same weekend. SERENDIPITY. Anyway it was an absolute blast. We've skyped before so I knew we'd get along, but I seriously could've talked and laughed with her (and her boyfriend, Greg) all day.  Such a bummer that we live an ocean apart.

Here are some other photos of my time in Boston:

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The Book of Mormon was SO GOOD. I loved it. I've been singing all the songs ever since I got back. I wish Rob could've seen it with me. Maybe one day. 

I had a lot of fun with my sister and mom too.  It was hard to relax, but I'm glad I was sort of "forced" out of my comfort zone. And turns out Amelia and Rob did really well without me. They took a lot of walks, hung out outside, and dealt with only a minor amount of fussiness. Night and day from when I left in January.

This week we are back into the swing of normal life: going to daycare, getting work done, eating the same 4 meals over and over, stressing out over what Amelia eats or doesn't eat, and of course breastfeeding (forever and ever and ever and ever...less by choice and more by my kid won't ever give it up ever).  

So there's life. I hope you are all doing well and coming to terms with the fact that September is almost half over.